There’s a little girl inside of me. She’s hidden; you can’t see her, but I know she is there. She’s tucked in a far away corner in the back of my mind. She is as much a part of me as my hair is brown or my eyes are green. In fact, she has brown hair and green eyes.
You see, that little girl is me. She weighs 206 lbs. She is overweight because she is unhappy. (Not unhappy because she’s overweight.) She is so scared of life that the only thing that she knows how to do is stay overweight. She is hurting. Her heart keeps breaking. She desperately just wants to live life fully.
Why do you keep her with you, you ask? You have a new you, so throw her out. That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it? I can’t throw her out. She is a part of me. I need to keep her with me so I can remember what it was like to be 206 lbs and barely surviving life. She helps to remind me that I’ve been there, and I will not go back.
There have been recent times when I can feel her moving about in my brain. She sometimes tries so very hard to take control again. Sometimes, for a very brief while, she does. Her old habits creep back into me because some of those habits were comforting to me at one time. They were how I survived.
Kick her ass, you say? No. That is not what she needs. She needs comforting and re-assuring. She needs to be shown that everything is just fine, and we WILL be okay. She knows I am right, so she slips back to her corner of my mind, and we are okay.
The thing about this journey, this life journey, is we have to remember that we have all been there. We’ve been those little girls, who for whatever reason, just were not happy. We get to the point where we are figuring out why, and we are creating our paths that lead to happiness. These new people we become are amazing, wonderful beings. But that doesn’t mean we should forget who we were.
We should embrace them and honor them because without them, we would not be who we are today.
For today’s Thursday Three, I’m wondering if you all will play a game with me? We’ve just started a new challenge, and new challenges bring new faces. What I’d like for you to do is to tell us 3 things about yourself that we may not know. It can be anything you want. Let’s get to know each other, shall we?
I’ll go first:
1. My favorite color is orange. I drive an orange Escape, have orange flip flops, and if I did not show some restraint, my closet would be full of orange shirts. It’s a sickness, and I love it.
2. I once started writing a book. Maybe one day, I’ll finish it. It has potential. (My JV basketball coach once said, “Potential means you have the ability to be great, but you aren’t worth a damn yet. Let’s practice.” Maybe I need to practice.)
3. I can say all 50 states in alphabetical order in less than 60 seconds. This was something I learned in 6th grade, and it stuck. I have a weird memory that holds all kinds of random facts like that. Go ahead, ask me how the white rhino got its name.
Now it’s YOUR turn! What are three things about YOU?