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In trying to make a point to you, I made a point to myself.

[ 10 ] 04/21/2011 |

Back in the olden days when I was, oh, around 28 or 29 (you know, like 4 or 5 years ago), I was well over 200 lbs. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you how much I weighed because I refused to get on the scales.

I was extremely unhappy with the way I looked. Had you asked me, I wouldn’t been able to tell you one physical thing that I like about myself. I probably couldn’t have told you anything that I really liked about myself at all.

I knew I was unhappy and thought that if I could just get back into my favorite pair of shorts, I would be happy.

And then my dog ate my favorite shorts.

My “wake up moment” happened in front of a lot of people that I barely knew. I was called “fat” in front of all of those people. I was so mad and humiliated that I cried for a good bit.

And then I decided to do something about it.

“Screw this,” I said to myself. “I’ll show them.”

I began to exercise, which was followed by realizing that I needed to eat healthier, which was followed by discovering that I had to work on a lot more than just my physical appearance.

The root of my weight problems was how unhappy I was with myself on the inside. I had gained weight because I had given up on myself. I didn’t love myself.

I had to really dig deep and make a lot discoveries about myself. I had to accept myself. I had to learn that I really liked the person that I am.

I would like to tell you that after that, all was great and now I’m at the original goal that I set for myself. But I’m not. I made reaching my goal completely my focus on life, and if I had a bad week, I was so hard on myself. I would get so mad at myself that if I could have literally kicked my own ass, I would have. Putting so much pressure on myself was making me unhappy with myself again.

I had to learn to just let it go. I decided to change my goal. Instead of focusing on just my weight, I began to focus on my life journey and living life as healthily as I could. I also learned to accept that somtimes life is going to throw me curve balls. Those curve balls are okay, but I have to learn instead of beating myself up over the curve balls, to learn and grow from them.

I see a lot of you being so hard on yourselves about your weight, and I wonder why? I can fuss at you until I’m blue in the face over it, but the truth is until you learn to embrace this journey that you’re on, fussing at you isn’t going to do you any good.

I wish every day that every one of you could see yourselves the way I see you. I see you running races, completing marathons and triathlons. I see you making choices every. single. day. that are helping you live healthier lives. When I see a choice that isn’t so healthy, I also see life throwing you curve balls.

Look. I’m not telling you to say, “Life sucked today so I can have a big bowl of ice cream!” I’m not saying that at all. What I am saying is those not so healthy choices do happen, then own it, and move on. Be proud of how far you’ve come. Be proud that you have made the choice to live healthy lives. Know that by choosing this journey, you are inspiring others to live healthy lives.

I understand it’s hard. I can still be hard on myself sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. So, let’s all try something a little new. Will you try it with me?

I’m challenging each and every one of you right now to look deep inside of yourselves. Stop being so hard on yourselves. I’ll work harder to stop being so hard on myself. Let’s embrace this journey.

And remember, we’re all in this together.

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Category: April, MIND IT

About april: I'm a brand new cyclist! In just a few short months, the sport has reminded me that it's all about the journey, and I need to enjoy the ride. I live with my two dogs and two birds, and love to spoil my nephew. Oh yeah, and I'm 32. View author profile.

  • http://twitter.com/TrishB Trish

    Thank you for writing this! I will take on your challenge!!

  • http://www.jeninreallife.com/ jeninRL

    Thank you April! I needed to hear this today! xox

  • Anonymous

    You are wise beyond your years. xoxox

  • Anonymous

    I love how you are so open and honest with everyone! Thanks for your openness…it really helps people (me) see that we’re (I’m) not alone!

  • Salemsurvivor48

    Very nice all of that the you said there, I going to try to not be to to hard on my because I am. I can`t forget my self for the mistakes that I made on my life that afect others around me, and most of all afect me in ways that I never tought could afect, but today is another day and I can start again for a better life.
    Thanks.

  • Anonymous

    Excellent post. For those of us that have long term issues looking at this WL journey as a point A to B is defeating. Its so important to find the good in every day or you can spend you whole life waiting for it to be just the right time for “your life to start” Its about striking that careful balance between working toward goals while being grateful for what you have now.

  • http://thesassymama.blogspot.com Heather

    Preach, sister!

  • http://www.youravon.com/mdickey Margie D.

    Amazing post. I was just saying to myself that I hated the way that I have let myself go. I mean really – my gut is disgusting and I hate it and don’t get me started on my arms……….then I saw your post and I am deciding to love my gut. It is out of shape but it certainly isn’t disgusting. It is clean and cushy (a nice pillow for the cat) and I love it no matter what. I am actually going to love it so much that I am going to take better care of it and, yes, that goes for the arms too….and the butt and the double chin…..;) Thanks April
    You see? This is why I love this place so much.

    • Anonymous

      When I turned 40 I decided I wasn’t going to hate my belly anymore. Yes, it was bigger than what I wanted but I was just tired of the self hate. I was driving around town running errands at the time and I turned the corner I saw a sign for belly dance lessons. It was like a sign from the universe. I signed up then and there and haven’t regretted it for a minute.
      And you are so right… we take better care of the things we love.

  • Anonymous

    As soon as I finished this I had the thought… “Don’t forget your mistakes, forgive your mistakes” I’m not sure where that come from but I like it. Too often we don’t forgive ourselves and keep beating ourselves up over old mistakes. It’s time to burn those bridges and not go back.
    Thanks for a great kick in the butt.