When I started writing for this site in January 2009, I weighed 188lbs, my heaviest ever. My third baby was just months old and I was struggling in a big way with everything- lack of sleep, stress of three kids under 5 years old, a husband who worked and traveled a lot, not eating right and certainly not exercising. Through the next year, with the help of the Shrinking Jeans community, I started exercising and eventually running, eating much better, sleeping more, and dealing with stress much more effectively.
My lowest weight during this journey was 163 and I was smoking HOT (at least in my mind!) and that was in November 2010. Since then, my weight has slowly crept back on. A few pounds here, a few pounds there but nothing serious. You know, if I just set my mind to it, I could lose those few extra pounds no time flat. Except I never set my mind to it and more and more weight has crept back on right under my nose.
I fooled myself into thinking that if my clothes still fit (even uncomfortably), then I was OK.
I did my best NOT to step on a scale for the last year because again, I had convinced myself that a *number* doesn’t matter.
I ignored the fact I chose to buy 4 pairs of shorts that had an elastic waist band versus belt loops and a button.
I ignored it when my youngest pointed at my belly and asked if I had a baby in my tummy. Granted, I have several people in my life that are pregnant right now so baby talk is hot and heavy around here.
I told myself that the reason I feel so chunky and blah and tired and cranky is because I have now gone back to work part-time after not working for 8 years and the work-life-me balance is proving more difficult to figure out than I imagined.
I figured that if I was still able to run at my same pace (and I am), then everything was OK- be damned too tight shorts!
I told myself that while I knew my metabolism had slowed down over the last five years (I am 41 years old), I could still eat the same crappy ways because hey! look! I am always training for something!!!!
Except that I am not training for anything.
For the first time ever, Shrinking Jeans has a Nutrition Counselor writing for us (hi Jodi!). Lately, I have been given much consideration and thought to doing one of the cleanses that Melissa, Christy and Heather have all done in recent months. I trust these women implicitly with their opinions about trying out new things. With emails flying, they have told me the good and the hard about doing a cleanse. I have emailed quite a bit with Jodi with questions I have and after a few emails, Jodi says: Fill out the Women’s Health Form and then we can talk specifically about your goals and where you are right now (or something like that).
I started on the form last night and half way down it asked for my weight.
In my head, all I could hear was *Hot damn. I haven’t stood on a scale in a long time. I don’t want to stand on a scale. Why does she need my weight? I hate being tied to a number blah blah blah.* But then there was another voice in my head that said *Stand on the stoopid scale and get ready to face your reality that you have been ignoring for a bit too long. There is a reason your clothes aren’t comfortable anymore.*
So I stood on the scale and read the number and then I hurled the scale at the wall.
185.6
I quickly got back online and bemoaned my weight gain to the girls mentioned above but really, all I wanted to do was sit down and cry.
After baby #1, I did Weight Watchers and lost a ton of weight. After baby #2, I became a gym rat and while I am not sure how much weight I lost, my body changed into a toned, muscular machine. After baby #3, I turned to running and lost some weight, got toned a bit, gained some weight, got older, and gained some more weight.
I have always known that the key to MY success lies in choosing to live healthily (that means eat right) AND incorporate exercise into my daily routine. For the part 9 years, I have done one or the other, never BOTH. It is time for me to eat right, cleanse my body of the crap, and choose to eat to fuel my body and NOT my emotions- FOR LIFE. It is time to see what my body is capable of physically when I treat it with the nutrients it really needs and not the old crappy habits I have.
I was *this* close to breaking down in tears after standing on that scale.
However, tears are for babies and I am no baby. It is what it is and I am the one with the power to change my health for once and for all. Running has taught me all kinds of things about how strong my mind is- now I just need to apply it to healthy eating habits, removing the bad habits and replacing with good ones as well as understanding the WHY behind my eating.
I am STRONGER than a silly bag of chips, a bowl of ice cream or two big helpings of dinner.
Like running, the power to make it happen lies solely on ME. Sure, I will turn to this community for support and encouragement, but day to day, the choices and decisions I make all up. to. me. It is not a sprint, but a marathon journey.
This was the wake-up call I so desperately needed. I am now TRAINING FOR MY LIFE.
Have you had a *wake-up call*?
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