Posted by lisa on May 2, 2009
Today was Shred Day Whatever. I don’t even know what Day today was.
My heart just wasn’t into it today.
I am ready to take a break from shredding. I will finish my 30 days but then will move to something else for a short while. Or maybe not.
I am having a hard time today. Not with shredding as that is hard every day. But with motherhood, and the trappings of having 3 kids 5 and under.
I am THAT mom that likes to keep busy with her children- going to the park, having playdates, swimming, reading, playing games, exploring different things around town town, DOING, GOING, SEEING. I do not like staying home for long periods of time. A day here, a day there is allright. Afternoons are allright. Or mornings are allright.
But right now, I am home ALL THE TIME- mornings AND afternoons, every single day- due to my baby and his schedule. His awake times are filled with eating, diapering, playing a little bit, and then back down to bed. He does NOT nap anywhere else but his crib. We get out to run the necessary errands, the things that have to be done, that cannot be ignored
I AM GOING CRAZY. I FEEL TRAPPED. I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND AND I KNOW MY OLDER TWO CHILDEN MUST BE BORED TOO.
I feel so very guilty for even having these feelings although I know they are normal and that this shall pass.
I do know that my baby is well, A BABY, and this phase shall pass. And I will miss having him BE A BABY.
I understand all of these things. I really do. I do not fault my baby for being a baby. I LOVE HIM. I do understand.
BUT today, I just want to be able to GO DO THINGS with all of my children without having to rush back home for a nap.
So I cried during Circuit 3. The whole circuit. And my daughter looked at me like I was crazy.
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