January 8, 2010 By april
When I first began my weight loss journey, I thought, if I could just lose this weight, I’ll be happy. Being thin and fit and healthy will make me happy. Looking hawt on the outside will make me happy.
What I didn’t realize then, that I know now is that I wasn’t unhappy because I was overweight. I was overweight because I was unhappy.
I’m not exactly sure when unhappiness set in. My best guess is that a variety of things over the course of my 20′s happened which weighed on me causing me to become lazy. Lazy caused me to slowly gain weight. With each 5-10 lbs that I gained, I would say, “oh no worries…I can lose that at any time.” Only I didn’t. Next thing you know, I was 76 lbs overweight.
While working to fix my outside, I came to the realization just how unhappy I was. I needed to figure out why I was unhappy and then I needed to work to fix this. I knew that if I didn’t, I was headed down a very dark path.
My rock bottom didn’t come at 206 lbs. My rock bottom came at about 160 lbs.
My rock bottom was realizing and accepting that I didn’t love myself. In fact I really kind of hated the adult I had become. I hated the fact that I had no confidence in myself. I hated the fact that I seemed to fail at most of the relationships, whether it be romantic or just friendships, I had ever had. I hated that I had not found my place on this earth. I hated that I didn’t trust myself with my happiness.
And there was my rock bottom. I’m not sure when I lost trust in myself, but at some point along the way, I did.
If you’ve ever lost trust in anything, you know that trust is something that has to be slowly re-built. I started rebuilding that trust with trusting myself with my weight loss. I knew that was something I was good at, and I loved it. I loved the new body that I was building.
Building on that, I slowly began to trust myself with more and more.
Today, I am happy. I won’t lie…happiness is something I will probably always struggle with, but the difference between now and then is that I have surrounded myself with people that I know will pick me up if I fall. That will pull me out of the darkness and back into the light. Because I do love the light.
So, I guess I should get back to weight loss, eh? What didn’t work for me in 2009? Not working out didn’t work for me. I found out that in order to maintain and continue to lose weight, I HAVE TO WORK OUT. Don’t get me wrong, I needed a break because after two years solid of working out, I was ready to lose my work out mind.
What did work? Having routine. This has and forever will work for me. I’m a creature of habit and love my routines. Which with being forced training for this half marathon thing will give me the best of routines, no?
So, I guess that’s it…oh, that’s right…before and after pics…okay, okay…
Here ya go:
Pre-weight loss journey. Yes, that’s an elephant in the back ground. I like animals. ;o)
I realize I’m a sweaty hot mess in this one, but I had just hiked a mountain! Something I could have never done in the previous picture.
So, do I get an “A”? ;o)