First off, I’m just going to get it out of the way and report that the scale didn’t budge, either way, this week. I’m pretty ambivalent about that, honestly. I don’t feel like I am in control of my body even though I am doing EVERYTHING in my power to stay in control. Yes, this girl is at a loss for how to feel/react/deal.
What I am doing? Working out.
Running? Back at it. Had two great runs this week – I am limited to two per Coach Joe. One four miler and one six miler. No real pain – except for using a wooden rolling pin to roll my legs out after the long run.
Other cardio? Check. Hitting the elliptical and the recumbent bike at the gym.
Strength training? Uh-huh. AND YEE-OUCH. I’ve started seeing a trainer and holy schnikes, am I in pain. Good pain though. Not the ‘ohcrapwhatthehelldidIdo’ pain I’d been having from running. He kicked my ass two days ago and I can still barely sit down/stand up. I wish I had railing around the toilet as sitting that far down is scary. He had me doing these deep squats from a sitting position on one leg…yeah, pretty much impossible. And then he tells me his Grandmother does them just fine. Pffft. Hush.
(P.S. The scale at the gym is 10 pounds heavier than my home scale. I almost threw it at my trainer.)
Here’s my main struggle – hunger. I listened in on a nutrition for runners conference call yesterday and what I basically came away with is that I need to worry less about losing weight and more about fueling my body for running.
While I understand this logically, emotionally I’m not just there.
You mean I can run up to 20 miles a week and NOT EXPECT TO LOSE WEIGHT?
Did I really sign up for this?
Okay, okay. I don’t regret signing up to run a 1/2 marathon. It’s seriously one of the most interesting and amazing things I’ve ever decided to do. Lots of highs and lows. Lots of self evaluation. Lots of pushing beyond what I ever thought I could do.
I’m not giving up, but I’m getting into the head space that this challenge may be one where I barely lose. Which sucks, I hate to let my team down.
So, Dear God, please let me at least lose a little this next week, k? That would be awesome. Thank you.