Weekly Checkin – Christie O


August 25, 2010 By christieo

I am down .5 today to 128 even.

I wish it were more. I’m actually pretty lucky that it is what it is. My head isn’t in the eating game. I know it should be and everything in me says it should be but I gotta take a cold shower and wake myself up or something. I don’t know what it is that I need to hear. I know I would love to weigh 5-10 lbs less. I know it would make me perform better. But in the end, I do these ridiculously long workouts and secretly I know I won’t gain weight because I’m doing them.

And that’s not right.

Yes I’m saying it out loud.

So I don’t know what my deal is, I just hope my teammates don’t hate me. I’m so close to maintenance that I’m almost taking advantage of it in my head. I know the point where I absolutely cannot go above and I don’t go above it. I get close, but I don’t go over. I feel good about myself overall. I’m happy inside with myself. Sometimes I think that if I don’t lose weight, I’m letting myself down because I’m not the best I can be and I’m not *there* yet. And even though I’m smaller than ever, my bmi is still technically 1 point above normal. So that 5-10 pounds would put me at normal. (5 lbs would actually.)

I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure you could say something to me to change my mentality. I want to, but… there’s always a but.