now – The Shrinking Jeans of April


June 25, 2009 By april

The biggest weight loss “wake-up” moment came during a family reunion in September 2007.  Towards the end of the party, my aunt announced to practically everyone something like she and I would always be the fat ones in the family.  I had never been so embarrassed or hurt or mad in my life.

At the time I weighed over 200 lbs.  I didn’t realize I weighed that much.  I thought I weighed in the 180′s.  (Denial, denial, denial.) And I didn’t realize until I had seen the pictures of myself (after the announcement was made) how bad it really was.  It was then, I knew that things had to change.  (If you’re really interested, you can read more about it here.)

That was then.

And this is now:

Today, I got an email from my aunt.  The same family reunion is taking place in two weeks.  (We didn’t have it last year for some reason.)  Usually, I inwardly groan at the thought of these things.  I love seeing who all I’m related to, but there are so many strong personalities that I end up just sitting there.  (Although, this year, I’ll be taking pictures!)

While reading that email, I had a different feeling.  I couldn’t wait to make sure with my mom that we were going.

I can’t wait for the extended family to see me 62 or more lbs lighter.  I can’t wait for the compliments and to talk to them about my new life.   I can’t wait for them to see that now I’m more confident about myself.  Because even though I still have a tiny bit to go, I have succeeded.  I’m healthy!  And I love it!

I know now that my aunt will probably be weepy or try to overshadow me with something.  She seems to need to do that sometimes.  Because she’s still significantly overweight.  And very unhealthy.  She knows that I have the tools to help her but until she comes to me, I can’t help her.  You see, losing weight is something that YOU have to be ready for.  I can tell her until I’m blue in the face that she needs to lose weight.  That it is critical to her life that she changes her lifestyle, but until she’s ready to make that change, me telling her that will just leave her upset with me and me frustrated with her.

But I will not feel bad at this reunion for the compliments I will get.   I deserve them.  I have literally worked my ass off.  (I suffer from noassatol syndrome, you know.)  So, any compliment, questions, exclamations that I get, I deserve every.word.  Because I’m a brand new person.