repost – The Shrinking Jeans of April


August 18, 2009 By april

I originally posted this on my personal blog back in March, and I thought I’d share with with you here.  I still feel the same way now about my scars as I did then.  Just an FYI got back to my regular work out today, it felt good!

So, anyway, without further adieu, I bring you Scars:

When I started this thing called healthy living, I gave myself the goal to lose 76 lbs. Now that I’m over ¾ of the way to my goal, I’m starting to think about how I want to celebrate this most awesome milestone in my life. I’ve thought about getting one of those industrial bars through my ear, you know, to show just how much of a bad ass I am. (Ha!) Or I thought about drawing up a new design and getting a new tattoo. Maybe I’ll save up and take a trip. Maybe I’ll do a couple of these things. My point here is that I knew that I was beginning a new life, I knew that I was going to lose weight, I knew that I was going to have to buy new clothes, I knew that I was going to do something to celebrate once I reached my goal. What I didn’t know or anticipate was that I would actually see the damage I did to my body by being so unhealthy.

Yep. I’m talking about scars. I heard Jillian Michaels talking about scars on her radio show once, and I thought I wonder how I will feel about them the closer I get to my goal. I mean, I have tons of scars. For whatever reason I scar easily. I guess I’m just lucky that way. Some of them I couldn’t tell you how they happened, and others, I remember the accidents quite vividly. (One may or may not involve running into a tree. Yeah, I know.) So, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about scars that come with gaining and losing weight. Now, I have those scars.

I have stretch mark scars where my skin is shrinking. I have them on my upper legs, my upper arms, my chest, and my stomach. Also, I’ve noticed that I have this little-I don’t even know what to call it, so let’s say, um, pouch? It’s located under my belly button.

Now, I know you moms are thinking what is she complaining for? Have a couple of kids, right? Well I promise you that complaining isn’t where I’m going with this. Just stick with me for a few more minutes. I know I can do things to reduce the looks for the scars (they’re honestly not THAT bad, but I can see them). And the little pouch? Well I know I can have it removed by some sort of modern day science if I choose. The fact is, I’m not sure I want to.

For now, I see these scars as a reminder of where I was, and where I don’t want to be any more. This has been a long and hard fought battle. And it’s a battle I’m sure I’ll sort of fight for the rest of my life, so I think I deserve to have a few scars. I have changed so much as a person. Not only on the outside, but the on the inside as well. I see the whole world differently, and I’m looking forward to exploring the world through these eyes. We all experience life differently. We’re all going to have scars of some sort, and we can choose to rid ourselves of these scars which is fine, or we can look at our scars as trophies. One day I may decided to get rid of my “trophies”, but for now, I’m keeping ‘em. Because you know, I never thought I would be strong enough to do something this difficult. I always saw myself as weak. Now I know that I’m not weak. I’m quite strong, in fact. And I have the scars to prove it.