the monday project; rethink your shrink – The Shrinking Jeans of April


January 8, 2010 By april

When I first began my weight loss journey, I thought, if I could just lose this weight, I’ll be happy.  Being thin and fit and healthy will make me happy.  Looking hawt on the outside will make me happy.

What I didn’t realize then, that I know now is that I wasn’t unhappy because I was overweight.  I was overweight because I was unhappy.

I’m not exactly sure when unhappiness set in.  My best guess is that a variety of things over the course of my 20′s happened which weighed on me causing me to become lazy.  Lazy caused me to slowly gain weight.  With each 5-10 lbs that I gained, I would say, “oh no worries…I can lose that at any time.”  Only I didn’t.  Next thing you know, I was 76 lbs overweight.

While working to fix my outside, I came to the realization just how unhappy I was.  I needed to figure out why I was unhappy and then I needed to work to fix this.  I knew that if I didn’t, I was headed down a very dark path.

My rock bottom didn’t come at 206 lbs.  My rock bottom came at about 160 lbs.

My rock bottom was realizing and accepting that I didn’t love myself.  In fact I really kind of hated the adult I had become.  I hated the fact that I had no confidence in myself.  I hated the fact that I seemed to fail at most of the relationships, whether it be romantic or just friendships, I had ever had.  I hated that I had not found my place on this earth.  I hated that I didn’t trust myself with my happiness.

And there was my rock bottom.  I’m not sure when I lost trust in myself, but at some point along the way, I did.

If you’ve ever lost trust in anything, you know that trust is something that has to be slowly re-built.  I started rebuilding that trust with trusting myself with my weight loss.  I knew that was something I was good at, and I loved it.  I loved the new body that I was building.

Building on that, I slowly began to trust myself with more and more.

Today, I am happy.  I won’t lie…happiness is something I will probably always struggle with, but the difference between now and then is that I have surrounded myself with people that I know will pick me up if I fall.  That will pull me out of the darkness and back into the light.  Because I do love the light.

So, I guess I should get back to weight loss, eh?  What didn’t work for me in 2009?  Not working out didn’t work for me.  I found out that in order to maintain and continue to lose weight, I HAVE TO WORK OUT.  Don’t get me wrong, I needed a break because after two years solid of working out, I was ready to lose my work out mind.

What did work?  Having routine.  This has and forever will work for me.  I’m a creature of habit and love my routines.  Which with being forced training for this half marathon thing will give me the best of routines, no?

So, I guess that’s it…oh, that’s right…before and after pics…okay, okay…

Here ya go:

Pre-weight loss journey.  Yes, that’s an elephant in the back ground.  I like animals. ;o)

I realize I’m a sweaty hot mess in this one, but I had just hiked a mountain!  Something I could have never done in the previous picture.

So, do I get an “A”? ;o)