January 1, 2012 by lisa
As I contemplate what I want to write in this little ole space, I let out the biggest sigh e-v-e-r.
As for many, 2011 has been a rough, stressful year for me. I don’t want to go on and on about it, but let’s just say that I let the continued, ongoing, varied stresses get to me a lot- physically, mentally and spiritually.
I’m not sure how much I weigh, I will weigh tomorrow morning. I estimate that I am somewhere between 170-173 lbs, which is only 5lbs up from where I was a year ago (not bad, huh?!). My jeans with spandex (love spandex) still fit although those pants with no spandex do fill a little snug.
My husband has noticed my lack of positivity and optimism during this year of change and commented once- you just don’t seem happy (like I normally do). He’s right. While I have maintained my fitness- completing a 10K race, a half marathon and a duathlon (run-bike-run)- I have not gone the distance, I have not given my all to my fitness. While in my head, I understand I was not in the right place mentally to do those bigger/grander things physically, my heart is still somewhat disappointed.
I regularly prayed for patience and grace and strength to weather the many things thrown our way this year.
I am still praying.
I know I need to cut myself some slack and focus on the bigger picture. I am working very hard on this. I want to cut the crap and get down to business. I am a big girl. I make choices every day. I know the consequences of those choices. It’s time to big put on my big girl panties ( he he) and just do what I know I need to do.
The lowest weight I have been during this long journey of mine was 161.8 (back in November 2010).
My goal for 2012 (not just this challenge) is to get to 160 and to MAINTAIN the mother-effing weight. I am 5’6″ for those wondering.
I turn 40 years old in May and as I grow older (good GAWD, the years are flying by), I am becoming more accepting and loving of this body I have. I want to treat it right- it’s the only one I have. I want my children to have positive body image and self-esteem. I want to model for them- eating right, exercising regularly, making goals and achieving those goals. I want to forgive myself for my shortcomings and instead of dwelling on what is not, focus on the positive and what I can do. I want to believe wholeheartedly in myself, in all things I do- physically, mentally and spiritually. I want the same for them, too.
I want to live in the present. I want to spend less time online and more engaged in living life. Yes, I have a life online but I have an even bigger life offline.
I feel like I have this inner beauty that shines sometimes but really, it’s there all the time. Optimism, love, kindness, joy, grace, support, motivation. I give all of these things to ya’ll, my sisters, my runner friends, my tweeps, my FB friends……now, I need to give it to myself and let that inner beauty shine- ALL OF THE TIME.
I am a rambler. I am sure I have rambled way too much here. I am pretty sure I didn’t follow the rules of this challenge/post but oh well. Ya’ll will keep reading, right?
June 15, 2011 by lisa
When I ran the San Diego 1/2 Marathon in June 2010 (my first!) I weighed 173 lbs.
When I ran the San Antonio 1/2 Marathon in November 2010(my second!) I was a measly 163 lbs.
When I ran the Zooma 1/2 Marathon in April 2011 (my third) I was 167 lbs.
When I weighed in this morning I was 169.6 lbs.
While I am still within the *range* that I wanted to be in for this part of the year, there is still nonetheless an upward trend to my weight and I do not like it one bit. Sure, I had all kinds of life stresses going on Feb through May of this year and my emotional eating kicked back into high gear. The exercise regimen I have made a habit is what has kept my weight gain to a minimum during this time, but imagine what my weight loss could have been if I hadn’t let myself soothe with chips and salsa at night?
I was talking with a friend the other day and she was lamenting over the fact that all the good FREE kids stuff in our area is in the morning, usually at the same time that she goes to the gym. She was giving up her gym time to take her kids places. I told her that going to the gym and exercising is my #1 priority each and every day and that my kids would be just fine playing there….or elsewhere later in the day. I do so much for them, but exercising and fitness is FOR ME and that I am NOT willing to give it up.
I make fitness a priority.
And now, I want to make fueling my body properly a priority.
I am sick and tired of talking the talk but not walking the talk.
I can already do so freakin’ much even with putting crap in my body. Imagine how much better I can run/swim/bike/Zumba/strength train if I only put the right foods within. Weight loss is important but even more important is HOW I FEEL and HOW my body feels during my endurance training whatevers.
I so badly want to be the machine my head already thinks I am. I have so much power but I know I can do so much more.
I just know it.
So yeah, I am ready to burst out of this mindset that *I am good enough where I am*. Oh hell no. I want to burst free from the comfortable-ness of where I am and bring myself closer to 160 lbs. I want to be lighter- mind, body, and spirit.
I can do it.
April 19, 2011 by lisa
I want to participate in True Confessions this week because I have lots of good things to confess.
First, I ran my third half marathon this weekend and I shaved 5 minutes off my last half marathon time- woot woot! Even better than that though, I got to run it with my BFF Christy (yeah, this Christy of Shrinking Jeans) and we had the BEST time talking, laughing, bitching about the hills, motivating, and pushing one another. I am fairly certain she could have run faster on her own, but she says *nahhhh*. Regardless, the race was exhilarating and awesome at all the same time. Official race report here.
In addition, our very own Ann joined us for the 5K portion of the race. It was my first time to meet her face to face. I had the extreme pleasure of getting to hang out with her this weekend. It was so awesome putting an actual face/voice/physical being to the words behind the computer screen.
So what’s next race-wise for me? I can’t say exactly what will be my next race. I would love to say that it will be a triathlon BUT there is still some uncertainty going on in my family life. Decisions are being made and once those decisions are made, we can move forward to living life and settling down. Decisions like- are we moving to South Austin or are we moving to San Antonio (related to husband’s job/career). We are living with my MIL right now and I feel like our life has been put on hold, all pending this BIG move/job decision.
For now, I continue to wait patiently….. and run.
March 13, 2011 by lisa
I’m here but not here.
Life is CRAZY. I don’t want to say that I am struggling because really, THAT was last week. Now that a few weeks have passed since the shit hit the fan, I have come to terms with the craziness and accepted that it’s just going to be that way for a little while longer. I have processed all that is going on and no longer denying it. I am no longer procrastinating bitching and moaning and instead, I have moved into DO mode.
This morning Amanda joined me on my morning run and she helped me process IT all even more. She is good like that and I love her for it. She can tell that I am not so overwhelmed and in denial….now. She is also GREAT at giving a listening ear and awesome advice.
The last three weeks have seen us sell our house much faster than we had planned (translation: we hadn’t quite figured out what we were going to do while our new house is being built; we have since figured it out), we hadn’t determined what course of action to take in regards to kids’ schools, my husband’s grandmother unexpectedly got very sick and in less than one week’s time, passed away, we have been planning a funeral, supporting my MIL in any way we can, picking up multiple family members from the airport, hosting said family members, attending the memorial service and funeral, dealing with all THREE kids having the stomach virus, AND entertaining the thoughts that we really needed to START packing since we have to be moved out by the end of the month. Oh yeah, the same weekend that we should be moving, I will be in Arizona attending my sister’s wedding : ).
That’s a lot going on for such a short amount of time. The one thing that has stayed constant through all of this is my running- it has helped me deal and process and let go and stay sane. I’m not doing much else but those runs three times a week but whatever. I’m working with what I have.
So bear with me for the next few weeks. While I am here, I am not here….if you get what I mean.
I’ll be back, I promise.
February 16, 2011 by lisa
At the beginning of this challenge, I had high hopes that I would be safely in the 150’s. Suffice it to say that I am not in the 150’s and I’m doing good to just maintain. Life is so freakin’ crazy right now that I am struggling HARD to tread water and not drown in the myriad of details. I am so incredibly tired every single day YET I am having trouble going to sleep at night, which is so unlike me. I normally have no problems sleeping except in high times of stress.
I guess I am a little stressed out.
Did I mention how tired I am?
I am doing the bare minimum to keep up with my half marathon training, at the very least, getting three runs in per week. I am reading a book on nutrition for runners and that’s been enlightening. I am *trying* to spend more time with my kids and give them more attention as I am finding that they behave better when they have my undivided attention. When I run, I let myself go, regroup my mental state, and feel good about myself.
I want to put on my cheerleader hat and motivate you and you and you and tell you how proud I am of you and you and you. It’s so hard to do when I can barely motivate myself.
I know, cry me a freakin’ river.
Oh look, I have peanut butter smeared all over my pants. Awesome.
I just wanted to let ya’ll know that I haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth, that I am still here…..just treading water until life gets a little easier.
February 11, 2011 by lisa
Sometimes, this healthy living/make good choices thing is HARD.
I’m just going to lay it out there.
Right now, it’s really hard for me.
REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD.
I am making terrible food choices and I have lapsed back into nighttime snacking, which is one of my nmesis. In my head I know this yet I seem powerless to keep my hands from reaching from the salty snacks sometime between 9pm and 11pm. I know, I know, I KNOW. My life is so crazy right now and it’s mostly good stuff and exciting stuff but O-M-F-G, it’s exhausting , physically and mentally. This week I have had a difficult time turning my brain off at night and going to sleep. I rarely have problems going to sleep, EXCEPT when I have TOO much going on.
I have too much going on.
The one thing I am continuing to do right is to exercise.
Scratch that. Train.
I am training for my next half marathon. The Zooma Austin Half Marathon on April 16th. I have been fortunate enough to be chosen as one of the Zooma Austin Ambassadors, which is an honor unto itself. I wanted it so bad and now I got it. I have come so far with this running thing. Back in Oct 2009 when I started, I could not fathom running one half, let alone two, and now my third. Plus, someone thinks highly enough of me to ask me to share my love and passion with other runners. WOW!
So yeah, I’m still here, treading water to keep my head above and breathing……barely.
January 5, 2011 by lisa
Last week’s weight: 166 lbs
This week’s weight: 163.8 lbs
Loss of 2.2 lbs
OK, so that’s the business part of this check-in. Done. It’s amazing what adding exercise and eliminating all the holiday food crap can do for a positive weigh-in, isn’t it? I only have 2 more pounds to lose to get back to where I was December 1st- not too shabby in opinion.
I want to revisit my healthy living goals that I posted last week…..
My Healthy Living Goals:
- To drink a minimum of 80 oz of water on non-workout days and a minimum of 100 oz of water on workout days. This has been easy for me as I am in the habit of chugging water, my body craves it. So CHECK AND DONE!
- To eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day. My body just feels better when I fill it with more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff. This has been more difficult to manage. Some days I have hit and surpassed 5 servings for the day, other days I have not. I am working on this.
- To register and compete in my third half marathon- the Austin Half Marathon on Feb 20th, 2011. I have NOT done this and I can’t quite figure out what is holding me back. Actually, I do know a little of what is holding me back- ME. I have been sick quite a bit over the last 3-4 weeks and my body has taken a beating physically from the sickies, being tired, and the holiday crazies. I am just this week getting back into my running training plan, although a stomach virus has hit me once again today. I am struggling to feel 100% better AND run at the same time and it hasn’t been working for me. Time is of essence now because the 1/2 marathon is only 6.5 weeks away. I know I can do it, but can I run the half marathon the way I want to run it given the short amount of time I have to ramp up again? I need someone to heal my body so that I feel great again and then I need someone to give me a good morale boost to convince me that I CAN DO THIS AND CAN DO IT WELL. THAT is why I haven’t registered yet- because of self doubt. Damn.
- To register, train, and compete in my first sprint triathlon (to be identified), possibly even do an Olympic triathlon as well. I have not registered yet, but right now, I have three tabs open on my laptop of triathlon races that look interesting to me. Plus, the tri season doesn’t really start until May so I have a little time.
- To make my workouts count, each and every one of them. No faking it through a workout- I want to sweat and sweat a lot. I want to push the boundaries with my physical limits and go beyond them. Check and done!
- Read a book about the “mental game” of training and competing in longer races. You guys do know that the mental game plays a HUGE role in training and competing, right? Any book suggestions? I need some more suggestions!
- To drop 10 more lbs : ). Work in progress.
The Power of One. For me, it’s the power of my mind. So many times, my mind will tell me something different than what my heart tells me that I can do. Doubt and fear play a huge role and really, I want to kick their asses to the curb once and for all……and well, these damn sick germs that seem to be invading my body over and over.
December 29, 2010 by lisa
I weigh 166 lbs today, which is UP from where I should be. The holidays have not been kind to me. Let me rephrase that, I have not been kind to my body during the holidays. I have maintained my fitness level, exercising and running; however, my eating has been out of control, especially where chips and salsa are concerned.
I know I know, chips and salsa are probably not part of your holiday dinner but it was for me. AND, I bought the mega bag of tortilla chips from Costco and have proceeded to inhale the bag by myself. I have a love/hate relationship with tortilla chips. I love to eat them, I hate the lack of self-control I have around them.
For a while there, I was refraining from buying big bags of chips for this exact reason. I am WEAK around chips. Period, the end. I know this, Christy knows this, everyone knows this. Not having it in the house made it all that much easier NOT to eat them. Seems so simple, huh?
I do believe I need to return to the “no big bags of chips from Costco in my house” notion again.
“Just Say No” to Tortilla Chips.
My Healthy Living Goals:
- To drink a minimum of 80 oz of water on non-workout days and a minimum of 100 oz of water on workout days.
- To eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day. My body just feels better when I fill it with more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff.
- To register and compete in my third half marathon- the Austin Half Marathon on Feb 20th, 2011.
- To register, train, and compete in my first sprint triathlon (to be identified), possibly even do an Olympic triathlon as well.
- To make my workouts count, each and every one of them. No faking it through a workout- I want to sweat and sweat a lot. I want to push the boundaries with my physical limits and go beyond them.
- Read a book about the “mental game” of training and competing in longer races. You guys do know that the mental game plays a HUGE role in training and competing, right? Any book suggestions?
- To drop 10 more lbs : ).
BTW, I am already loving this challenge. Yeah, I know it just started today but the idea behind the concept is just awesome. When it comes down to it, we have to rely on OURSELF to make the magic happen.
December 1, 2010 by lisa
The last time I weighed myself officially was 2 weeks ago: 161.8lbs
Today’s weight: 164.4 lbs
Gain of 2.6 lbs
Not surprising given my utter disregard for my eating plan for Thanksgiving week and being away from home. It sucks, but I am not surprised. All my clothes still fit comfortably so that is one blessing. I cannot change what I have already done, BUT I can get back on track with eating right and exercising, which brings me to my three five goals for December.
I’m going back to the basics for this month.
- Eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (I have already eaten 3.5 servings today and it’s only 12:45pm!). I have been lazy with this recently and I just feel ick. Time to get back in the game and give my body the good stuff.
- Exercise a minimum of four times a week and shot for five times a week. Exercise will be either running, spinning, swimming, a fitness class, or lifting weights.
- Register for my next race. I am finding that I NEED something to train for, otherwise, I just flounder with the exercise/running. I need a plan or I find excuses not to fit it in, especially during the holidays when SO many things compete for my attention. I mean, on a normal day, I am ridiculously busy but throw in the month of December on top of the normal busy, and it’s enough to drive me insane. I need to pick a race to train for so that I will actually train and so that my brain can relax fromthe exercise endorphins and not freakin’ explode.
- In the same manner, I want to simplify some areas of my life. I’ll get back to you on this one.
- Lastly, journal journal journal. It’s my least favorite thing to – I abhor it because then I can’t cheat. Yes, I realize how stupid this sounds, but writing down what I eat is the bane of my existence. However, I also know that if I have to write it down, then I am less likely to shove more than is necessary in my piehole that sounds all kinds of wrong.
So let’s just get on with it so that I get the weight off. I want to be in the 150’s by the time New Year’s hits.
November 30, 2010 by lisa
Nobody wants to hear about my Thanksgiving transgressions and how I basically threw caution to the wind over the last week. Right? BORING. Hey, we were on the road all of last week and I kind of forgot that I should be eating right. BUT, I did exercise at the gym two days of that week AND I took a 15 mile bike ride ON Thanksgiving Day. Not too shabby, huh?
Instead, I want to confess to you about my new love. No, I am not going to talk about running because um, hello – I already love running and um, hello, that’s nothing new.
I am in love with the Zumba class at the gym.
No really. I AM IN LOVE.
Since last January, I have been focusing on my training runs for the two half marathons I did and well, it didn’t leave much room for extracurricular gym classes. But now, I am kind of in between races and kind of floundering as to what to do next for running and I am fully taking advantage of the “extra” time to try out some new classes.
In walked Zumba. Or should I say- in danced Zumba?!
Zumba is like a dance party on the gym floor.
I went for the first time in a very very very long time this morning and had the BEST time sweating, shaking my booty, and laughing at myself. I love to dance and let’s face it, I don’t hit the nightclubs like I used to. In fact, I don’t hit them at all anymore, no surprise. But throw on some good music in a too-lit gym floor and ask me to “shake it, not break it” at 9:30am?
Hell yeah- I can do that!
My favorite observations from this morning…..
- Watching the older ladies shake it shake it shake it!
- Listening to the jingles of the skirts some were wearing.
- Realizing that I have no rhythm when it comes to the Bollywood number- no moves at all- call me a fish out of water on that one!
- I do have “the moves” on the Latin numbers- no surprise there!
- Everyone was having such a great time, myself included.
As if that wasn’t enough, AFTER Zumba, I jumped on the treadmill and pumped out 2 miles, my first REAL run since the half marathon on November 14th. It felt great minus my very tired legs, but hey! who needs legs to run?!
So take that Thanksgiving week- I am back on track, shaking it, sweating it, and eating much much much better.
Now who wants to join me for the Zumba dance party at the gym next week?!