I am having one of those days. It’s not the kind of day that I would usually even post something, but it is my day to post. I’m feeling sad and melancholy and scared and lonesome.
It is the 35th anniversary of the day my dad died. I know that will seem unimaginable to some of you because you aren’t even that old yet. I was only 22 when my dad died from cancer. It was totally unfair and I was mad for a very long time. Now, I’m mostly just sad. He missed far too much and so did my kids. My oldest daughter was only two when dad died, so she barely remembers him. My other three girls never had the chance to see what an awesome guy their grandpa was. I miss him so much. Days like today are just too lonely without him.
Today, my 90 year old stepdad is coming home from the nursing home rehab unit. He had two strokes and a heart attack in the span of 36 hours starting on June 2. I am so happy he is coming home, but he is coming home to my mom who is very close to turning 87 and it scares me. You would never know that either of them was that old, but they are. I just hope that things will work out for them. I worry about mom taking care of him. What happens if he stumbles with his walker and mom trys to catch him and they both go down. My family and I will be there as much as possible, but we can’t cover 24/7 and who wants people in their house all the time anyway.
So…..what do I do when these kinds of feeling are overpowering me? I have two things that always help. I have to files on my computer that save me time and time again.
First, I have my picture files. The picture on top of this post is from a fantastic weekend this past winter when Bari and I went into Chicago to meet up with Christy and Melissa. The picture is taken looking down from the skydeck at Sears Tower. Sorry, it will always be Sears Tower to me. It was a wonderful day and this picture always makes me happy. I have thousands and thousands of pictures and they make a world of difference in my mood.
Next, I have my quote file. I have all kinds of quotes for all kinds of feelings. Here are just a few of my favorites…. The most important things in life aren’t things. If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.